Friends are my Family

Quotes about relationships such as family and friends have been popping up all over the place recently.

While tumbling today, I found a post explaining how the phrase "Blood is thicker than water", (meaning family is more important than friendship) is in fact a wildly incorrect bastardization of the phrase.

The original, full, quote is:

 "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." 

This refers to relationships forged by choice holding deeper meaning than those of mere biology.

The other I read was my friend's status on FaceBook:

"There is no such thing as a "broken family." Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certifications, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those are you family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you."

This got me thinking about the friends I have been blessed with in my life.

I went home this past weekend and hand an amazingly renewing time. I was once again reminded of the wonderful people I am blessed to have in my life and the friendships that cannot be tarnished because of the miles between us. I wanted to take some time to briefly thank them for everything they have done for me. I do not spend enough time appreciating the gift I was given to know these incredible people.

To the friends I was able to capture our memories with this weekend:

 C-MIT (Clair). Thanks for being a rock in my faith. You're constant positive outlook on life is truly inspring.  It is an honor to always be confused with you

Ben and Dan, Thanks for being my go to guys when I have problems with anything mechanical. Thanks for putting up with my ignorance and always providing me with laughs.

Ben (middle), thanks for your patience and subtle reassurance that keeps me calm

Dan (right), thanks for indulging my desire for adventure 

Steph, I've learned so much from you. Thanks for being my motivator, letting me vent to you about anything and for being as weird as I am.

J.Curly, thanks for snap chatting me all of time and for making work fun

To the friends I saw but didn't get pictures with this weekend:

Talle, Thanks for being up for anything, for you ability to always make me laugh, for having great music to jam to and for having crazy ideas that will never happen and for telling crazy stories we all know never happened

Alexandra, thank you for reminding me the importance of perspective and to keep an open mind. Thank you for being a listening ear and always making time to see me when I'm home.

Elizabeth (middle), thank you for saving me from my toxic friendships so long ago. I don't know where I would be if you hadn't shown me what real friendship looks likes and let me into your social circle.

Jennah (right), thanks for always being (literally) 2 seconds away. I love that I can (could) run over to your house whenever I needed a laugh or to get away. I can always count on you to equally geek out about lame things like I do.

Bennett, thank you for being my best friend since forever and basically my third brother. You've taught me so many things, like how to play basketball, one of my greatest passions in life. We had a kick ass fort and I loved sending every day playing back there. 

Lynsey, thanks for being so goofy and caring. Every moment spent with you is time well spent. Also, thank you for moving into an apartment so I don't have to worry about slipping, falling, and almost dying on your stairs anymore.

And to the friends that have become my family in Eau Claire:

James, lets be honest, we're basically the same person. Thanks for giving the best hugs and sending the most pointless snapchats, I love seeing those tidbits of your life. Thank you for accepting my weirdness and matching it with your own. 

Andrew, thanks for standing on the chairs in the caf and waving at me. What I mean to say is, thank you for not being embarrassed to be you and thus, giving me the confidence to do the same. Thank you for indulging my many faith questions and staying up till the wee hours in the morning talking about life with me.

Josie, thank you for teaching me so much about life and about myself. Thank you for making sure I don't look like an idiot (both in physically and intellectually). Thank you for the countless times I've laughed till I've cried when I'm with you. But most of all, thank you for being the first person I've ever trusted with my most personal thoughts and ideas. I never knew what having a true friend meant until I met you.

A Dip in the Chip

I would like to preface this post with the following: the main exigence for starting this blog was my to cross it off my bucket list and to document my pursuit to accomplish the rest of things on the list. I am striving for honesty and writing this for myself not for others. That being said, some items on my list are experiences I would not openly tell people about and I would hope that if the reader knows me, they will not judge me for any accounts I record on this page.

A few Monday nights go, I was working the security desk for Cody. I had just started working on my bucket list and Malcolm, who so kindly stays with me during my shifts, was looking it over. We were going over things that I could accomplish before he left. He grew quite fond of the idea of skinny dipping. I'm not sure what came over me but I said, "Lets go tonight."

He didn't think I was serious but I was insistent. Even though it was cold, and late and random, I was serious. Looking back, I'm still not exactly sure why I was so confident in this decision. The thought of jumping naked into a freezing body of water where I could be caught, terrifies me. Actually, the thought of being naked anywhere terrifies me. Despite being terrified, ironically, I think it was fear that motivated me to do. Maybe it was my fear of leaving college without making any crazy memories, maybe it was fear of time passing, or maybe it was the fear of always making up an excuse to not do it. Or maybe, it is my ever persistent awareness of my limited time with Malcolm and my desire to have as many stupid, crazy, weird, adventurous times with him as possible.

I finished working at midnight and Malcolm once again asked me if I wanted to do this. I knew that if I didn't do it tonight, I was not going to do it at all this semester so I said yes, lets go. I needed to drop me backpack off in my room and change into more appropriate clothes. I got ready and headed back down to meet a grinning Malcolm. We made our way through the lobby which was still full of people, including RA's and the Hall Director. I tried not to think about what they were thinking watching me, in cameo sweatpants, a baggy sweatshirt and chaco's and him walk out the door at 12:15 at night and I tried to ignore the pounding of my heart.

We make it outside and it is a crisp October night. Malcolm turns to me once more and asks, "Are you sure you want to do this? Its going to be freezing." I was not going to be dissuaded, I replied once more, "yes, lets do it" and we headed down the hill. We trekked over the foot bridge and down the path to get to the beach. We ended up underneath the driving bridge and decided it would be the best spot for the swim.

We quickly got in the frigged water. I waded till I was a little over waist deep and on the count of three we fully submerged. When we surfaced, we hurried back to the warmth of clothing.

We began the long walk back, taking our time. We laughed, joke and allowed time to dry off before having to reenter Govs. We made it back around 1:30AM, damp, cold, exhausted but glowing from the thrill of the evening.

Mandala

Josie and I started watching Orange is the New Black together. I had heard great things about it but never sat down to watch it. I am surprised at how quickly I was hooked on the show. It was hard to follow at first with cut backs and different plot lines but it was extremely gripping. It might be weird to find something impactful in a show about lesbians and prison but one piece of dialogue really stood out to me.

A hippie inmate is helping the newbie adjust to prison life and she starts telling her about mandalas. The Tibetan monks make then out of dark sand laid out into big beautiful designs. And when they're done, after days or weeks of work, they wipe it all away. She goes on to tell her to try to look at your experience in prison as a mandala. Work hard to make something as meaningful and beautiful as you can. And when you’re done, pack it in and know it was all temporary.

 

I like this analogy a lot because it is something I easily lose sight of. I think it can be applied to so many situations in life. There are countless events that we may not be looking forward to doing but we have to do anyway. On the other hand, there might be events that we are looking forward to but we know it will come to an end. So many things in life are only temporary. In some cases, this is such a blessing, like if you have to work or in detention but other times it’s a curse, like the weekend or a vacation you’ve been looking forward to.

Just because these things are temporary doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t take full advantage of them. There are an abundance of experiences to be had in any given situation. It is silly to let them go to waste because you know it will be over soon. In the end, yes it has to come to an end but isn’t that true about everything in life?   In a broader sense, each individual life is temporary. That doesn’t mean that it isn’t worth living. It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t do everything you can to make it as meaningful as you can. Every moment is a beautiful gift and they shouldn’t be tossed to the curb. Nothing is frivolous, every act counts, everything matters.

Maybe I’m taking this quote from a show about prisons and lesbians a little too seriously. Maybe I’m stretching what is even supposed to mean but it reminded me of something that’s been on my heart and mind a lot lately.

I’m in a relationship with a guy who lives half way around the world. I am in a relationship that has to end. It’s only temporary. Why even try? What’s the point of getting attached to something that is leaving me? But then again, what’s the point spending weeks making a beautiful intricate piece of art in the sand an erasing it? Just because it will be gone in a few months doesn't mean we can’t make it beautiful before it’s over. He makes me laugh, he makes me happy, he makes me feel pretty, he makes me feel special. After feeling emotionally numb for months, he makes me feel alive again. And yeah, it will probably hurt like hell having to say good bye but I am not convinced that that’s a good enough reason to not be with him. I would rather cherish the time I have with him now and hurt later than not enjoy this happiness. In a weird way, it reminds me of Hazel Grace and Augustus from The Fault in Our Stars. Minus the cancer and death and what not.

I guess what am trying to say is that all things are temporary. That doesn't mean they can’t be meaningful and beautiful.

My relationship is temporary. That doesn't mean it can’t be meaningful and beautiful. I just need to take advantage of every second I am blessed with being together and deal with the rest later. 

Musing from a younger self

I believe knowledge is power. This is why I love to educate myself but this is always why I hate talking about  my thoughts. The more people know about me, the more power they have over me. Power to help but more importantly and more terrifying, power to hurt. Due to this, the concept of blogging freaks me out. My thoughts have been the only thing that I could rely on to be my own. Sharing them for anyone to read is scary but I am pushing myself to get out of my comfort zone. I am not sure how to start this so I think I'll start small. These are some thoughts I jotted down from a few years ago. 

People are so quick to say they believe in something, when it means benefits for them. When it actually comes to taking a penalty, suddenly, no one believes in the cause anymore. Don’t you understand? Stand up for what you believe in and stand strong but don’t get mad when your feet get sore. Don’t be afraid to pay the consequences.

The majority of the student body thought that the walk out was a good idea and applauded the teachers for taking off on Thursday to stand up for themselves. Now that we are having our early releases taken away, people are mad at the teachers. They say, “Why should we be punished for what the teachers did?” Well the answer, is simply, why shouldn’t we be? Would the teachers have called in sick without the support of their students? Did we not fuel the fire? I will gladly go to school on the early release days. It proves that I was not afraid to let the world know that I think this bill is wrong.