1 on 1 on 1

• Roof
• Almost hookah
• tunnels
• ski jump
• fire and brats
• White Castle

Growing Up

You are actually living a good life by recognizing these 25 signs: 

1. Your relationships are less dramatic than they use to be.
2. You may not have as much money as you want but you live a rich life.
3. You’re not afraid to ask for help and support.
4. Where you live feels like home.
5. You’ve raised your standards.
6. You let go of things that don’t make you feel good.
7. You have moments where you appreciate who you see in the mirror.
8. You’re working on limiting your inner critic and consciously choosing more positive thoughts.
9. You’ve learned that setbacks and failure are part of self-growth.
10. You have a support system that includes people who would do anything for you
11. You hear “I love you” often, from friends, family or a partner.
12. You’ve accepted what you can’t change, but change what you can’t accept.
13. You don’t complain much, but instead focus on solutions.
14. You don’t blame your parents, and accept them for who they are.
15. You stopped caring about what others think of you.
16. You’re happy for your exes when they move on.
17. You can celebrate others’ successes.
18. You allow yourself to feel your feelings and are comfortable sharing them.
19. You have passions that you pursue.
20. You’re able to accept compliments without deflecting.
21. You have things to look forward to.
22. You have goals that have come true.
23. You have empathy for others.
24. You feel connected to your work.
25. You love deeply and open yourself up to be loved by others.

I Fear

Leaving this place
Coming home a different person
Coming home the same person
Not taking advantage of this expereince to the fullest
Only being home for 5 days before going back to Eau Claire
Being an RA
Doing bad in my classes here
Using all of my money
Not being good enough at Spanish
Not improving enough while I´m here
Figuring out what I want to do with my free year
Not caring
How I look
Not knowing what I want to do
Not being sure of myself

It Has Been Too Long

Every since I started blogging about my travels, I have kind of left this one to the dust. There are many times when I think of something that I would really like to write about or post in here but instead, I always use the time for my other blog. It usually takes me anywhere between 2-4 hours to complete a travel blog. After I finish I am pretty burnt out. For me, it´s kind of exhuasting to share that much of myself and my life every week. A lot of times, I don´t want to do it or I want to leave somethings out but there are three main driving factors that keep me going. The first is that I would not be here without the help of so many people back home such as my parents. I know how much my blog means to them and it is the least I can do, let them in on my life here, to thank them for all they have done. The second is that when I Skype or chat with people back home, we can have a normal conversation and I can hear about their life. I don´t want to spend the entire time talking about myself and my time here, because yes it is amazing and I do want to share that but at the same time, I desperately miss life back home. No matter how mundane it may seem for the people I am talking to, I love hearing about their daily life back home. Also, once the recaps are out of the way, we can just chat and joke around which I love. The final reason that like to blog is because I know, 4 months, 1 year, 10 years from now, I am going to be really grateful I so diligently recorded my experiences here. It will be a really good keepsake to have later in life.

I am going to try and be better about blogging here because I miss the freedom it brings me. I can say what is on my mind without having to be mindful of who might read it later. It is a place where I can truly be honest with myself and what is going on in my life.

Every since I started this blog, it has been an amazing release for me. It has allowed me to put my restless thoughts to paper and out of my mind. I need that more than ever here. I have been blessed to meet some amazing people here but I don´t confide in them like I would with Josie or others back home. At times, this leaves me feeling a little trapped and without even realizing it, tense. At times, I´ve never felt more alone than I do here which is ironic because I rarely have a moment to myself.

Hugs

I miss being wrapped in someone's arms who I feel 100% comfortable with. I miss being comforted and comfortable. I am always on edge here, not always in a bad way but its a little exhausted. I don't know if I have ever fully let my guard down in 2 months. I just want a hug.

Thanks

1. Arriving safely to Colombia
2. Having an amazing time in Cartagena
3. Not getting bus sick (Seriously this should be on here 100 times)
4. Having Wifi more often than I thought
5. Jeremy and Alex
6. Moments of clarity
7. Sleeping in a bed
8. Meeting really really cool people
9. My other blog and being able to share my experiences with others
10. The Spanish language 
11. Kindness of locals and fellow travelers
12. Catching the taxi before it drove away with my laptop (I would've cried.. for days)
13. Seeing God's beautiful creation and the restorative feeling this brings my soul
14. My camera
15. Endless possibilities

Thanks

1. Getting together with friends

2.

This bracelet Alexandra made for me

3. All of the cards and calls I've received

4. Writing thank you notes

5. Helpful customer service

6. Getting organized 

7. Tying up loose ends

8. Skyping Malcolm

9. Being able to be honest and cry because I need to with him

10. My weekend in Eau Claire

11. Spending time with Josie

12. Late night question sessions

13. The Nucleolus's amazing food

14. Watching the wheel of fortune with dad

15. Homemade pizza and true loves cake

Saying Goodbye

Goodbyes have always been hard for me. I am not good with change and I am not good at letting people go. Unfortunately, over the past couple of months I have gotten a lot of practice in this department. Starting with saying the hardest goodbye of all to Malcolm, I have said countless goodbyes. I don't know how to handle them and I don't know how to handle my emotions.

I am so lucky to have all these amazing people in my life and I don't know how to let them know how much they mean to me. It is hard for me to leave them behind. Thankfully, I know that most of these goodbyes are only temporary. Six months will fly by and we will be reunited.

Even though I am excited to go, I feel scared and admitting this makes me feel weak.

Letters

Dear Dad: Thanks for your silent support. Yo do not press me but you are always there when I need you. Your calm demeanor, confident actions and advice always help me in times of trouble. I am incredibly proud to be your daughter. You have such an impact on the people around you and you don't look for anything in return. I hope I can love like you do someday.

Dear Josie: Thanks for hosting me this weekend. It was so much fun to hang out one last time. It still doesn't feel real that I will be gone. Thanks for your support of my adventure and for making me feel like I am going to be missed.

Dear Malcolm: Thank you for your words of reassurance. If it wasn't for your traveling expertise I would be freaking out much more than I am now. You have helped me be more prepared and calm about the whole situation. Thank you for always putting a smile on my face, even if I am just driving home and thinking about you.

Dear Clair: Thanks for being such an amazing friend. You pursue a relationship with me more than most/all of my other friends. You are so attentive to what is going on in my life and supportive of me. You make me feel so incredibly loved.

Dear Mom: Thank you for being your crazy self. I know that you just want everything to go perfect and that's why you got so upset. Thanks for being so supportive of my dreams. I know you are proud of me and that means a lot.

Dear Maria: Thank you for being the sister I've always wanted

Thanks

1. All my friends in Eau Claire
2. Nucleus Apple Cinnamon French Toast
3. Sitting on the futon sharing Tumblr posts with Josie
4. Clue
5. Arriving safely in bad weather
6. Parking spots in Govs lot
7. Laughter
8. Cooking meals with Josie
9. Panera Cinnamon Crunch bagels
10. Inspiring people
11. Leaving in a week
12. Hiking with my dad
13. Generosity 
14. Packing more than I thought I could
15. Being stronger than I thought I was
16. Samuel letting me use his Netflix
17. My dollars for scholars being more than I thought
18. Having a boss that appreciates me
19. Writing thank you notes to people who deserve them
20. Lazy days
21. Sharing my travel blog with people even though it makes me nervous to let people see my thoughts
22. Getting my ducks in a row

Family Gatherings

On Sunday my family got together for a going away party for me. My aunt planned the whole thing. How lucky am I? I walk into the restaurant and we can't even all fit at one long table. 25 family members showed up just to have lunch with me one last time before I take off. I am so lucky to know love like that.

I have been feeling off lately with everything going on. Constantly on edge about leaving. But for that 2 hours, I was lost. Lost in happiness, support, and love.

I often take them for granted but in moments like these I feel like I am able to fully appreciate the gift I was given in them.

Thanks

1. Days where I can just lay in bed
2. 4 hour skype dates with Malcolm
3. Lunch with Stephanie 
4. My amazing amazing family
5. Quality time with friends
6. Cooking meals together
7. Skype dates with the lovely Clair
8. Seeing old friends
9. Making new ones
10. Moments when I forget my anxiety about leaving
11. Snap chat
12. Telling funny stories to Josie
13. Voicemails from James
14. Warmth
15. My parents 

Men

Two of my favorite men in the world. This picture makes my heart happy. 

Thankfulness

1. SOAR Alumni Night
2. Seeing the Hacketts
3. Spending more time with Clair before she left
4. Rekindling old friendships
5. Soul Searching
6. Not being sick
7. Quotes that hit home
8. The dependability of Mocha
9. My dad and uncle fixing my car in the most innovative of ways
10. Getting a new car that still doesn't feel real
11. My parents for constantly checking on sick me
12. A fresh layer of snow to clean up the world
13. Days where I can lay in bed
14. People I trust enough to cry in front of
15. Letting myself cry when I need to
16. Surprising old teachers with lunch, knowing it will never be enough to repay them for the lessons they taught you
17. Learning
18. Growing
19. Having a place to record my thoughts and learning about myself by doing so
20. My new nail polish (even though its purple, I still love it)
21. The calender Steph got me
22. Andrew for taking me to work and checking the oil/antifreeze in my car on days when its dangerously cold
1. Also for watching him grow up and mature into a pretty cool guy
23. Pictures
24. This picture of Mocha

Dear Jared

I was thirteen and you were eighteen and no means no you sick fuck.

Fear

My biggest fear used to be disappointed other people. Now I realize how stupid that is.

Now I'm afraid of disappointing myself which I unfortunately do all too frequently.

I've spent way to much time trying to please other people that I don't know a whole lot about myself. I can't make you a list of things I truly enjoy for myself. And that's sad.

Thankfulness week 5

1. Clair

      -always being there for me 

      -so positive and uplifting

      -role model

2. Being able to see Dan off at the airport

3. Making packages

4. Spending time with friends

5. Getting back to work

6. Panera with Clair and Avery

7. Seeing old friends in a new, beautiful light

8. Phone calls with Josie 

9. Spending New Years with family AND friends

10. A new beginning 

11. Realizing how much I've changed over the past 12 months

12. How blessed I've been 

13. Possibilities of 2014

Wishlet

Today I put on my first wishlet from Malcolm. I put on the bracelet for strength. I need strength to get through this. I need strength to be happy and move on. I really don't know how to do it on my own. So I hope this works. 

Resolutions

14 resolutions/ goals for 2014

1. Be more concerned about making memories than money 

2. Do the things that scare me most

3. Concentrate on being happy

4. Don't be bothered by the little things 

5. Make at least one life long friend in Uruguay

6. Find a job/internship that relates to what I want to do

7. Cross at least 10 things off my bucket list

8. Blog at least once a week on my travel blog while abroad

9. Make sure the things I do are for me

10. Change is good, embrace it and strive for it

11. Remember that everything is possible with some determination so don't stop for anything to achieve my goals and dreams 

12. Make sure my friends and family know I love them 

13. Figure out plans for graduating 

14. Read 52 books (one per week)