I Fear

Leaving this place
Coming home a different person
Coming home the same person
Not taking advantage of this expereince to the fullest
Only being home for 5 days before going back to Eau Claire
Being an RA
Doing bad in my classes here
Using all of my money
Not being good enough at Spanish
Not improving enough while I´m here
Figuring out what I want to do with my free year
Not caring
How I look
Not knowing what I want to do
Not being sure of myself

It Has Been Too Long

Every since I started blogging about my travels, I have kind of left this one to the dust. There are many times when I think of something that I would really like to write about or post in here but instead, I always use the time for my other blog. It usually takes me anywhere between 2-4 hours to complete a travel blog. After I finish I am pretty burnt out. For me, it´s kind of exhuasting to share that much of myself and my life every week. A lot of times, I don´t want to do it or I want to leave somethings out but there are three main driving factors that keep me going. The first is that I would not be here without the help of so many people back home such as my parents. I know how much my blog means to them and it is the least I can do, let them in on my life here, to thank them for all they have done. The second is that when I Skype or chat with people back home, we can have a normal conversation and I can hear about their life. I don´t want to spend the entire time talking about myself and my time here, because yes it is amazing and I do want to share that but at the same time, I desperately miss life back home. No matter how mundane it may seem for the people I am talking to, I love hearing about their daily life back home. Also, once the recaps are out of the way, we can just chat and joke around which I love. The final reason that like to blog is because I know, 4 months, 1 year, 10 years from now, I am going to be really grateful I so diligently recorded my experiences here. It will be a really good keepsake to have later in life.

I am going to try and be better about blogging here because I miss the freedom it brings me. I can say what is on my mind without having to be mindful of who might read it later. It is a place where I can truly be honest with myself and what is going on in my life.

Every since I started this blog, it has been an amazing release for me. It has allowed me to put my restless thoughts to paper and out of my mind. I need that more than ever here. I have been blessed to meet some amazing people here but I don´t confide in them like I would with Josie or others back home. At times, this leaves me feeling a little trapped and without even realizing it, tense. At times, I´ve never felt more alone than I do here which is ironic because I rarely have a moment to myself.