Thanks

1. Getting together with friends

2.

This bracelet Alexandra made for me

3. All of the cards and calls I've received

4. Writing thank you notes

5. Helpful customer service

6. Getting organized 

7. Tying up loose ends

8. Skyping Malcolm

9. Being able to be honest and cry because I need to with him

10. My weekend in Eau Claire

11. Spending time with Josie

12. Late night question sessions

13. The Nucleolus's amazing food

14. Watching the wheel of fortune with dad

15. Homemade pizza and true loves cake

Saying Goodbye

Goodbyes have always been hard for me. I am not good with change and I am not good at letting people go. Unfortunately, over the past couple of months I have gotten a lot of practice in this department. Starting with saying the hardest goodbye of all to Malcolm, I have said countless goodbyes. I don't know how to handle them and I don't know how to handle my emotions.

I am so lucky to have all these amazing people in my life and I don't know how to let them know how much they mean to me. It is hard for me to leave them behind. Thankfully, I know that most of these goodbyes are only temporary. Six months will fly by and we will be reunited.

Even though I am excited to go, I feel scared and admitting this makes me feel weak.

Letters

Dear Dad: Thanks for your silent support. Yo do not press me but you are always there when I need you. Your calm demeanor, confident actions and advice always help me in times of trouble. I am incredibly proud to be your daughter. You have such an impact on the people around you and you don't look for anything in return. I hope I can love like you do someday.

Dear Josie: Thanks for hosting me this weekend. It was so much fun to hang out one last time. It still doesn't feel real that I will be gone. Thanks for your support of my adventure and for making me feel like I am going to be missed.

Dear Malcolm: Thank you for your words of reassurance. If it wasn't for your traveling expertise I would be freaking out much more than I am now. You have helped me be more prepared and calm about the whole situation. Thank you for always putting a smile on my face, even if I am just driving home and thinking about you.

Dear Clair: Thanks for being such an amazing friend. You pursue a relationship with me more than most/all of my other friends. You are so attentive to what is going on in my life and supportive of me. You make me feel so incredibly loved.

Dear Mom: Thank you for being your crazy self. I know that you just want everything to go perfect and that's why you got so upset. Thanks for being so supportive of my dreams. I know you are proud of me and that means a lot.

Dear Maria: Thank you for being the sister I've always wanted

Thanks

1. All my friends in Eau Claire
2. Nucleus Apple Cinnamon French Toast
3. Sitting on the futon sharing Tumblr posts with Josie
4. Clue
5. Arriving safely in bad weather
6. Parking spots in Govs lot
7. Laughter
8. Cooking meals with Josie
9. Panera Cinnamon Crunch bagels
10. Inspiring people
11. Leaving in a week
12. Hiking with my dad
13. Generosity 
14. Packing more than I thought I could
15. Being stronger than I thought I was
16. Samuel letting me use his Netflix
17. My dollars for scholars being more than I thought
18. Having a boss that appreciates me
19. Writing thank you notes to people who deserve them
20. Lazy days
21. Sharing my travel blog with people even though it makes me nervous to let people see my thoughts
22. Getting my ducks in a row

Family Gatherings

On Sunday my family got together for a going away party for me. My aunt planned the whole thing. How lucky am I? I walk into the restaurant and we can't even all fit at one long table. 25 family members showed up just to have lunch with me one last time before I take off. I am so lucky to know love like that.

I have been feeling off lately with everything going on. Constantly on edge about leaving. But for that 2 hours, I was lost. Lost in happiness, support, and love.

I often take them for granted but in moments like these I feel like I am able to fully appreciate the gift I was given in them.

Thanks

1. Days where I can just lay in bed
2. 4 hour skype dates with Malcolm
3. Lunch with Stephanie 
4. My amazing amazing family
5. Quality time with friends
6. Cooking meals together
7. Skype dates with the lovely Clair
8. Seeing old friends
9. Making new ones
10. Moments when I forget my anxiety about leaving
11. Snap chat
12. Telling funny stories to Josie
13. Voicemails from James
14. Warmth
15. My parents 

Men

Two of my favorite men in the world. This picture makes my heart happy. 

Thankfulness

1. SOAR Alumni Night
2. Seeing the Hacketts
3. Spending more time with Clair before she left
4. Rekindling old friendships
5. Soul Searching
6. Not being sick
7. Quotes that hit home
8. The dependability of Mocha
9. My dad and uncle fixing my car in the most innovative of ways
10. Getting a new car that still doesn't feel real
11. My parents for constantly checking on sick me
12. A fresh layer of snow to clean up the world
13. Days where I can lay in bed
14. People I trust enough to cry in front of
15. Letting myself cry when I need to
16. Surprising old teachers with lunch, knowing it will never be enough to repay them for the lessons they taught you
17. Learning
18. Growing
19. Having a place to record my thoughts and learning about myself by doing so
20. My new nail polish (even though its purple, I still love it)
21. The calender Steph got me
22. Andrew for taking me to work and checking the oil/antifreeze in my car on days when its dangerously cold
1. Also for watching him grow up and mature into a pretty cool guy
23. Pictures
24. This picture of Mocha

Dear Jared

I was thirteen and you were eighteen and no means no you sick fuck.

Fear

My biggest fear used to be disappointed other people. Now I realize how stupid that is.

Now I'm afraid of disappointing myself which I unfortunately do all too frequently.

I've spent way to much time trying to please other people that I don't know a whole lot about myself. I can't make you a list of things I truly enjoy for myself. And that's sad.

Thankfulness week 5

1. Clair

      -always being there for me 

      -so positive and uplifting

      -role model

2. Being able to see Dan off at the airport

3. Making packages

4. Spending time with friends

5. Getting back to work

6. Panera with Clair and Avery

7. Seeing old friends in a new, beautiful light

8. Phone calls with Josie 

9. Spending New Years with family AND friends

10. A new beginning 

11. Realizing how much I've changed over the past 12 months

12. How blessed I've been 

13. Possibilities of 2014

Wishlet

Today I put on my first wishlet from Malcolm. I put on the bracelet for strength. I need strength to get through this. I need strength to be happy and move on. I really don't know how to do it on my own. So I hope this works. 

Resolutions

14 resolutions/ goals for 2014

1. Be more concerned about making memories than money 

2. Do the things that scare me most

3. Concentrate on being happy

4. Don't be bothered by the little things 

5. Make at least one life long friend in Uruguay

6. Find a job/internship that relates to what I want to do

7. Cross at least 10 things off my bucket list

8. Blog at least once a week on my travel blog while abroad

9. Make sure the things I do are for me

10. Change is good, embrace it and strive for it

11. Remember that everything is possible with some determination so don't stop for anything to achieve my goals and dreams 

12. Make sure my friends and family know I love them 

13. Figure out plans for graduating 

14. Read 52 books (one per week)